Мартеници!

I wanna thank Radiohead for coming up with another ingenuous album exactly when I needed some musical support a.k.a. sleepless-nights-while-writing-useless-essays soundtrack. I think i listened to it 6-7 times in a row, it seems too short, too good, I can't manage to distinguish one song from another, I can't swallow the disappointment after the final second of Separator is over, and then back to number one, until I have squeezed 2000 words out of those swollen fingers, and I realize the mission is possible. Yes, I can write one useless essay in one only day/night. We are capable of many many things, so why limit ourselves. Yes, I want the world to know I damn love this album, but they could have added a few more extra songs actually. I am high on caffeine right now and I have abused the green tea bags (which for good or bad in excessive amounts cause insomnia), my right ankle is pulsing, I can feel it, oh Thom Yorke's voice is so soothing.

Мартеници!

The Illusionist

My city looks even more astonishing animated. Chomet's film didn't win the Academy award but we still loved it. It lacks something though, this plot, it seemed like the city of Edinburgh was the main character, the storyline, the drama. Edinburgh out-starred the magician and the girl, it shined and manifested its beauty in each scene. It was almost exciting watching other people (or animated characters) walk the streets I walk every day and enjoy the sights: Arthur's Seat, The Castle, Princess Street. And now the spring is almost here, there is madness and mischief in the air. The rabbits are out to play.
Having lived here, I don't think I want to ever live anywhere else.

Desire

People's power!

Hip hip hooray!
The forests are here to stay! (<< link to article)
btw.. if you don't know yet I am a huge forests' fan and look what I have just found. My lovely home country Bulgaria had 3,327 ha of forests in 1999, 3,375 ha in 2000 and 3,625 ha in 2005. We have got more forest ha than before! Not many countries have positive forest gradients. Check this out if you do not believe me.

Have one on me

Recently - weird music. Perfect for foggy Scottish afternoons spent indoors, with books and teapots, with violins and carrot cakes. I have missed Europe all along and there couldn't be a softer cushion than this country's capital. Indoors is the keyword. Southern warmer countries spend their days and nights outside, under stars and suns, enchanted by the breeze and smell of summer. Here in the north life passes by behind closed doors, spaces are created within spaces, rooms lead to other rooms and there is room for everyone. Since the sea and the sun and sky are hidden from our eyes we create and recreate them in our wide venues, with large windows and wooden doors. Its cold and wet out on the Medieval cobblestone streets but the world inside is warm and cozy. I think its time to stay.

Please, Love, please

Trying hard to concentrate, to be productive to be a part of this human nonsense. But how, tell me how, since those hearths are on fire again, so desperate to dissolve in intimacy, so willing to commit, to care, to love, to nurture. Roasted again on the tribal fire, both sides, with a pinch of salt and lemon juice. What's the point in all this? What's the point of there being so many lonely single people who are dying to be embraced and loved by other lonely single people. Why dont you people just go out there and say “I like you, would you have a cup of tea with me?”. Is this hard, I cannot say. Would it decrease the global loneliness percentage or would it increase it? Why are we so scared of love and relationships? May be too many lame romantic films have created this illusion that there is one and only person out there waiting for us. May be we have too many needs and pains and desires and we are scared that they may be laughed upon, abused and rejected. And why would we abuse, reject and laugh upon people's needs, desires and insecurities? Don't you have your own inner hell? Don't I? It's too much trouble nowadays, taking care of yourself and your life, let alone a girl/boy friend. I want to see more people in love, more people showing their love to the world, more people admitting to themselves that all they need is love. I am not the overly romantic type, I am not sure if I am romantic at all, but it strikes me how today everybody is so busy saying how lame St. Valentine's is, how much commercial crap this thing is all about. If instead of being so annoyed by other people's involvement with this celebration, they took the time to say “I like you” (if love is too much of a trouble) well, this would make the world a bit warmer and cozier, not donating money to Africa and recycling plastic bags. Who cares if it's a lame and stupid celebration, we are humans for goodness' sake, we celebrate stupid things. Birthdays, Independence days, saint's birthdays, deaths and of course resurrections and all sorts of other insanities. So why is the Day of Love lamer and sillier than, say, Easter. Please go out there and find people to love. And tell them you want to love/like/cuddle with/make breakfasts and dinners for them.

Home is when I'm alone with you

Living in the city

.. has never been so easy.

Random

The Ballad of the Short-Sighted Periscope: When you shoot for the sky and get stuck in the clouds. Know that even the all seeing eye without focus sees mere hocus-pocus. Blink and you'll miss it, said the keeper of consciousness. Best smile back at the starry eyed sentinel, & mind your reflection in the deep, deep well.

(found on Feb 11 2011, Facebook homepage)

He: potential beams

He casts a child's smile, a face that's pale but sunny. When he enters the dark café he will be everywhere. In each corner of the sofa there is a molecule of his, his smiling eyes projected on the shiny spoons. He talks, he gestures generously. His bearing is calm and gentle, his features pose an invitation. He is flirting, I reckon, he is flirting with the world and he doesn't even know it. With the girls and with the boys, with the coffee he is making, with the cigarette he's rolling, with his hat and with his jacket. It's a pleasure to behold him. I used to do it from a distance, now I just approach, make a joke and watch him laugh. Strangely, he – a figure popular, involved, attractive – appears delicate and sensitive, almost fragile and romantic. Is he though? Perhaps I am wrong, perhaps the beasts in us are cunning, win us with a posture, then attack and steal our minds. Perhaps there's just a thin permeable membrane between a hearth enlarged and hearth rejected. And yet how to stop this urgent pull, I know he knows, I know I'll have to let it be.

Forest creatures

My cafe,
my hang-out spot,
my Stabquartier,
my home,
my chill-out zone,
my fun time,
my space-out time,
my bizarre conversations realm,
my inspiration,
my daydreaming,
my DIY space,
my power wraps,
my chaos,
my local sense of belonging.
I have searched for the Forest for a long long time.

Soft as chalk

While trying not to be too pretentious I will let image speak instead of me in the coming weeks. I feel creative these days. I am happy to give and receive.

Very personal

I have been unable to assimilate the immensity of changes that are taking place. Everything is new different and exciting and I have been in the same city for over five months. Imagine starring at a white wall for months and then suddenly realizing the wall is actually green. It's so green it's actually blinding, leaving me wondering how come I could not see it before.

I am immersed in beauty. I have never seen so much beauty. It's been here all this time and I was just way too absorbed in my personal dramas, wishing to be somewhere else down below the Equator.

I have been sitting on the floor in the central university library facing the Meadows park for about 3 hours. Within three hours the colors in front of my eyes changed more than five times. I have never seen such a beautiful city. It's so beautiful and intimate that I get goosebumps and stomach butterflies when I walk down the streets. And I have no idea what has happened. What has changed? Have I changed? Have my senses taken a 360 degrees turn? All I want to do now is walk long walks, paint complex pictures, cook healthy meals, have long conversations, make friends and absorb every molten piece of this new life.

I have seen many beautiful places, many cities that touched me in one or another way, but nothing has ever come so close and personal. It's as if I am in love. As if I am flirting with this place every single day. I don't want the time to pass, I don't want to see other places, I don't want to leave. Just stay here, being able to enjoy the same view from the university library floor ever day, being able to plant my seed once and for all. And stay.

I, the traveler, the hard-to-satisfy over-critical Virgo have found myself in a situation of fortunate conditions. I love my city, my study, my house, my housemates, my few friends, my Forest cafe, my proximity to a national parks and hills and gardens, my nightlife options, my weather conditions, my vegetarian food availability, my fluency in the official language, my comfort and ease. Garnish all this with a dose of ready-made Scottish insanity and crudeness that make this polished capital city as haunted and dark as medieval times, and you get the picture.

And one more thing. The very fact that they are read-haired, red-bearded, green-eyed, dressed in beige and brown, lone, slightly cynical and may be more than slightly mad is enough of a reason to stay. One of them just passed by, took a big brown book from the philosophy shelf, gave me an approving kind smile, scratched his orangy beard and left as calmly and inconspicuously as he entered the library hall.